Comfort Zones

In the past year,I have refound my passion. The Ocean, the water, she is my mistress. I am now searching for a job on the water.  My biggest obstacle is one from my past that affects my present.
My husband told me he wouldn’t wait for me if I went away to college.  I skipped going away to college to secure my relationship. I now fear leaving my current relationship for my dreams.  I have found the best man for me and I have that fear of leaving and finding him gone when I come back.  I have never had a relationship where my friends were completely happy for me.  This is the first one.  In fact I have never had my picture taken with someone else so much by so many different people.

We have been together nearly three years and I am still in that stage where I want to spend all my time with him.  In fact we still live apart and we still do our own things.  Well I do my own things, his job takes its toll on him.  I am super active.  I ride my bike about 20 or more miles a day, almost everyday.  I am always wanting to do anything but go home.  Be it working on the farms, meeting up with friends for a communal dinner or finding a new gallery exhibit opening.  I do a ton of things weekly.  This summer has been sucked up with sailing and I am loving every moment of it.

Knowing that Richard is home bothers me  some.  I keep thinking he stays home while I run amok having fun almost nightly.  I keep wondering is he jealous, is he lonely?  And I know he would not want me to sacrifice my life to keep him company, but I totally would.

We actually do a ton of things.  We go on bike rides, we go to games, we go out a lot.  We get involved in community events, we help plan neighborhood events.  This is the only man that has seen my interest in not being a wallflower as a good thing.  I never tire of him, and I know when he is sent out of town for a week that I miss him terribly.

He tells me that he wants me to do whatever I want to do.  Not to worry about him, but due to my ex-husband’s declaration, I fear taking that step away.  I keep thinking what would I do if he left me while I was out to sea?  How would I cope?  Well I do have one thing that I never had with my ex-husband, my freedom and independence.  I have a network of support that I did not have at 18.  I have a network of people that could feasibly keep me busy for months without break.  I would survive and I would be ok, but it still terrifies me.

And this is my photo history with Richard.  Well a small piece of it.  But we make a great team and even if I do go away for awhile, I suspect he will be here waiting for me with open arms.


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