In the past year,I have refound my passion. The Ocean, the water, she is my mistress. I am now searching for a job on the water. My biggest obstacle is one from my past that affects my present.
My husband told me he wouldn’t wait for me if I went away to college. I skipped going away to college to secure my relationship. I now fear leaving my current relationship for my dreams. I have found the best man for me and I have that fear of leaving and finding him gone when I come back. I have never had a relationship where my friends were completely happy for me. This is the first one. In fact I have never had my picture taken with someone else so much by so many different people.
We have been together nearly three years and I am still in that stage where I want to spend all my time with him. In fact we still live apart and we still do our own things. Well I do my own things, his job takes its toll on him. I am super active. I ride my bike about 20 or more miles a day, almost everyday. I am always wanting to do anything but go home. Be it working on the farms, meeting up with friends for a communal dinner or finding a new gallery exhibit opening. I do a ton of things weekly. This summer has been sucked up with sailing and I am loving every moment of it.
Knowing that Richard is home bothers me some. I keep thinking he stays home while I run amok having fun almost nightly. I keep wondering is he jealous, is he lonely? And I know he would not want me to sacrifice my life to keep him company, but I totally would.
We actually do a ton of things. We go on bike rides, we go to games, we go out a lot. We get involved in community events, we help plan neighborhood events. This is the only man that has seen my interest in not being a wallflower as a good thing. I never tire of him, and I know when he is sent out of town for a week that I miss him terribly.
He tells me that he wants me to do whatever I want to do. Not to worry about him, but due to my ex-husband’s declaration, I fear taking that step away. I keep thinking what would I do if he left me while I was out to sea? How would I cope? Well I do have one thing that I never had with my ex-husband, my freedom and independence. I have a network of support that I did not have at 18. I have a network of people that could feasibly keep me busy for months without break. I would survive and I would be ok, but it still terrifies me.
And this is my photo history with Richard. Well a small piece of it. But we make a great team and even if I do go away for awhile, I suspect he will be here waiting for me with open arms.