Trying to keep the family together while growing up.

Kids are funny.  They really are.  I was a kid once and my brain worked in funny ways.  It had funny ideas. It had ideas about growing up and never leaving home.   This might be normal when you are nine.

I had a conversation with a friend online today.  She moved away about a year ago, and I just realized it.  I made a statement about how I knew that we were not always going to all live in the same area.  This was in reference to our going to college together and building up a great community of friendships.  This triggered a memory that I wanted to share.

So back to being a kid.   When I was nine we lived on 5 acres in the middle of nowhere.  We had a few neighbors, some cows, dogs and cats.  I  had ponies for a moment.  We even had some chickens and a big creek in the back acres.  Growing up I loved our house.  My dad added on two bedrooms and my mom’s sewing room a few years after we moved in.  I got to pick the colors of my own room.  I loved my bedroom.

As a child  we lived in a cluttered house, I now realize that my mom’s whole family has a hoarding problem.  In fact when she dies, if I am asked to help clean her place out, I will be adamant that I want nothing.  In fact do not make me come out and help because I will just light that bitch on fire and watch it all go up in smoke.  My mother is a hoarder, there is nothing of value anywhere in that place.

So for me to tell you as a child I never wanted to leave home, seems a bit, shall we say contradictory.  Well as a child I did no understand this as a problem, it was how we lived.  The idea of growing up and moving away seemed lonely to me.  I was afraid of not seeing my family everyday.  Of not being able to boss my sister and brother around.  Of not being able to catch frogs in the creek.  Of missing my mom and dad.

All of these things terrified me, up until I was 16.  Then I wanted out so bad I would have jumped on a tour bus if I could have found one.  At some point in our childhood, we seem to suddenly stop fearing the unknown and start despising the places, people and things we do know.  Things we are intimate with suddenly seem obscene to us.

I think this is human nature.  To suddenly desire leaving one’s family and creating your own.  If we never left home, would we ever build our own lives?  I doubt it.  Change is good, change means that we are alive and I think ultimately that is the part we should embrace.


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