I can only be me.

I am not amazing or unique.  I am human, I have frailties and self doubts.  The one thing I do have is grit.  As a child I always dreamed of seeing the World.  Africa, Europe, Asia all fascinated me.  I tried so hard to figure a way to see them.  In high school, aside from being sexually assaulted daily, I was pointed into two directions only.  The direction of college and the one of the military.  As a pacifist the military just was not an option.  College was out of reach, I had no idea how to pay for it.  The last few months of my senior year I met my future husband.  He informed me that he would not wait for me to go to a college across the state.  In a panic, I stayed.  I had no idea how to pay for it anyway.  I justified this decision based on a capitalistic model.

I eventually went to school, without the blessing of my husband.  It is very difficult to finish school and keep your grades up when your family is not supportive.  I had to work full-time, take care of the kids and keep up on housework, on top of seeking a degree in science.  I managed to do it.  I managed to graduate with honors, this was due to my incredible stubbornness and grit.  My husband told me our marriage would not survive my college years.  It did, but we grew apart.  I left him every January for a week or so.  If I had not had that total self-doubt about being a single mom and that mental block about utilizing state help, I might have left him early on.

I went on to raise my kids in the city of Seattle.  A small town girl living in the big city was terrifying.  Learning to live on my own in an unknown city was a great challenge.  Raising kids in the unknown is terrifying.  I managed to do it.  Mostly on my own.  I think this is what build character.  When you are able to accomplish things you never thought you could.

The past few years after I received my master’s I have been struggling in stagnation.  I have been miserable in my job, unhappy with my inability to find a job that suits my interests and generally making myself miserable.  I love my friends and I love the community I have built up.  The issue is that I myself am dying in the lack of challenge.

I do not often get angry over financial situations.  I typically cut back on my spending, this time however, has gotten to me.  My situation is killing my soul.  I cannot cut back anymore.  I have nothing left to give.

In the midst of my depression and desperation, I realized I can just walk away from the capitalistic model.  I can give up everything. I can live communally for a few months or years.  I am about to embark on the greatest adventure of my life.  I am formally inviting you to join me, to grow with me and to understand my choices.  I am giving up my material goods, and taking my bike across the country.  I have planned to bike across the country with this non-profit group to build houses along the way.  I am excited about the prospect of not having to worry about money or things.  I am full of hope for my future.  When I return, I hope to then be accepted into the Peace Corps and shipped off for 27 more months.

My plan is to post a blog often in the next few years.  To show what I have learned, what can be accomplished and how it can be done.  I invite you to keep tabs on me and to join me online on the adventure of a lifetime.  I never truly considered biking across the country before.  It seemed so unattainable, but not at nearly 42, I have decided I can and will do this. I have to do it, I have stated I was going to do it, now I am committed to it.

Any words of encouragement and donations when I get my donation sites set up will be greatly appreciated.  I am not asking for myself, but for the greater good of those along the way.



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