The tides are changing.


Yesterday I handed in my official resignation.  I have been at the same company for nearly 9 years.  I have been burnt out for a while.  I have been depressed and angry about situations at work for a few years.  I may have stayed after the collision to ensure I had insurance coverage as I sought therapy.  I wrote up my letter and handed it in yesterday afternoon.  It felt so good.  My final day is May 28.  This is giving them quite a long notice, but they have the time to train someone.

I am hearing encouragement from many of my co-workers.  I hear how incredible this idea is and how they wish they could do something similar.  I have been asked if I could change my mind, what if the ride is cancelled, what am I going to do after I get back?  I suppose this is a kind of reality check.  I imagine these people really do want me to succeed, but they worry about what will happen if I fail.

On top of dealing with those people from work, there are my friends and family.  I called the landlord and informed them they needed to add my daughter to the paperwork on my rent.  There is a two-fold reasoning for this.  Number one, my daughter will build up rental history, secondly my daughter will be responsible to cover the rent, and with me not there, I wanted to ensure the landlord that they would be covered legally.

The catalyst for this crazy adventure, was a disagreement with my significant other.  I had told him when I first met him that I intended on joining the Peace Corps.  He has known about that since the beginning. After meeting him, I had decided to wait for his daughters to be old enough for him to leave with me.  Since it seemed that the relationship had dissolved, I pushed my plans forward.  The idea of biking across the country came to me due to fighting my sadness and depression over the end of the relationship.  I needed a change and a challenge.  This provided me with both.

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I am scared about the future.  This is a crazy decision.  I will have no income after the first week of June.  I will have to find a way to insure myself for a few months.  I will have no way to support my daughter if things arise.  It will be the first time in my life that I have done something just for me.  I am excited for the challenge.  Since the collision nearly two years ago, I have ridden two fundraising bike rides.  Both of which were 70 miles, I was unable to finish either one.  This time, there is no unable to finish.

One thing that has been on my mind since I made the decision to leave, is that of my partner.  Even though we are now talking again, and things are better, I am still leaving.  What I realized is that I may intimidate people, my partners specifically.  I have a drive that is not common in most people.  I get an idea in my head about life and I do my damnedest to make it happen.  A conversation I had with Richard this week made me realize how intimidating it is to deal with me.  As I pursue my dreams, it makes others painfully aware that they are not accomplishing their dreams.  My partner said that he felt like his life meant nothing.  I was very saddened by this. I also realized that I did need him.  I need him for support.  You see, there are those who do things, those that support the doers and those that do nothing at all.  Every person who is a doer needs the support of loved ones.  MLK would not have been as powerful without the support of those closest to him.

I may fail miserably, but in the end I will need the support of those I am closest to and those that love me most.  I may succeed and I will cherish their support just as much.  None of us can make it alone in this World, we all need support and love.  Some of us have the ability to create our dreams, but we need the support of others to pursue them.

 

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