I took the day off to work on my Peace Corps Application. We are very slow at work and I was contemplating taking a day off when I realized there is a meeting tonight in Seattle on how to fill out the PC application. I am about a third done with it, and I realized to get placed in 2014 I have to submit my application by February 28. There will be no bike ride this weekend, but some serious nose to the grindstone.
This month I turned in my letter of resignation. It is like a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. In my current employment, I have done as much as I can do. There is no possibility of promotion, no new challenges and no more money. My rent went up and I now have to pay a portion of my insurance. My current wage is not keeping up with my current bills. I have downsized to the greatest extent. I could move into a studio at a cheaper rent, but seriously I am leaving soon. It would require deposits and renting a moving truck. I need to focus on my next adventure, so moving is not an option. Although if the dog gets put down, and we are looking into that, I may get rid of most of my stuff and sofa surf for awhile. Right now saving money is my priority.
The last time I became unemployed, I was terrified. I had two kids in the middle of a custody battle. I had also just bought a home, which I lost 9 months later. This time around, I have no one to be responsible for but myself. My kids are both on their own. The dog will go with my daughter if he is not too sick to be put down. A side note: the dog is 13.5 years old and has arthritis and seems to be having some kidney/bowel issues. He is not yet suffering, that I can tell, but I know it is getting close to time.
This is the first time in my life that I have done something that is totally about me and my desires. I went to school with the idea that I wanted to support myself and my family. That was a dream based in reality. This time I am leaving capitalism behind. I am doing this for myself. It is a dream, one that until recently I have never shared with anyone.
My dream is freedom from societal pressures. I do not need a huge home, a big car or all the gadgets that I can handle. What I need is to know my life is somehow relevant. Pure and simple, I want to make a difference, and seeing that consumerism only makes a difference to myself and those I purchase from, I walk away. This will be my legacy.
I want to be part of something important. I do not want to be part of something that focuses only on making more money. I want to cure the ails of the world, with no benefit to myself. I want to change the world to see humanity as relevant and more valuable than things. I want to change myself to never feel the pang of wanting things that irrelevant.
I want to be remembered as someone that did something incredible, at least to my friends. I believe that life can be enjoyed without being pulled down by economic pressures. My current situation is weighing me down, but I still enjoy my life. I just need a tiny bit of give to release those economic pressures. One day I will find that release. This is my legacy.