Health and Happiness are not about restrictions

I have to say I love my current “job”.  Actually I love my life currently.  I love the fact that I work a very flex schedule, there are not many demands and I work with different people and different clientle almost daily.  Well, not daily, I work maybe twice a week.  What I have found is that by limiting my work, I have to simplify my life, or by simplifying my life, I can limit my work.  This paradox is so different from the one most people live in.  They work more to have more things, the more things they have the more they have to work.  I jumped off that carosel it was going nowhere and I needed a new way of being.

So as I titled this about health, I guess I should get to the point.  I am considered obese.  Ugh, what an ugly word.  I am about 35-45lbs overweight.  I know much of my issue is related to drinking.  Hey I like to drink, but I also like to eat.  I love to ride a bike, but I do not like to go to the gym, nor do I want to spend portions of my day working out.  I have been lazy since I got back from my bike ride.  I know I need to bike commute more and I need to get outside so much more.  Winter makes it difficult as I loathe the cold.

I am taking the first step, I am going to join a 6 am Monday morning Yoga Class.  I am hoping to learn how to combine some different stretches into my life.  Since my collision, I need to stretch more, I tend to get stiff very easily.  I am also starting to try to take the housemates pooch out more often.   We live near a beach that is easily accessed from out house.  I am also realizing that I spend far too much money on foods that I do not actually eat.  It is harder for me to be motivated to cook, if it is only for me, but I am going to make that the focus for the next month.  I keep buying fruit and not eating it.

What I do know is that I hate the word obese.  It sounds so negative.  I hate taking my clothes off, seeing my bruised and battered body.  My situation was worsened by the collision.  I have scars and deep tissue bruises that appear at strange times in strange places.  I have noticed that I am starting to lose inches, yet it feels as though I am gaining weight.  In our society overweight is way too common, but we focus not on normal bodies but on photoshopped bodies.  I just want to feel good about the way I look with my clothes off.  This is going to require falling in love with myself.  I am actually very healthy.  My doctor has never mentioned my weight.  The only reason I focus on it is because of the hospital reports.  When you see it listed as obese female age 39, it messes with your head.  My doctor said I am very healthy.  I only really go in to see her for my yearly or when I have a sinus infection I cannot beat.

Currently, I have realized my problem is more about drinking and not moving then it is about anything else.  I eat when I am bored, and when I sit around watching hours of television, I am very bored.   I have issues reading and eating, it can be quite messy.

Currently the issues is that I am told things about myself that I do not like.   I am actually ok with myself and my doctor is not on my case about anything but getting more B12 and iron in my body.  So to hell with perceptions outside myself.  Today is the day that I focus on my own perceptions.


2 thoughts on “Health and Happiness are not about restrictions

  1. You are a beautiful person because of your amazing personality! You want to dedicate your life to making the world a better place, and that’s not something that a stick-figure model could usually say. Any bruising you have is a reminder of what happened and that you were actually strong enough to survive! You have truly earned the name “Bad Ass.”

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