The day we traumatized my dad.


I love my dad.  I love him even more because he puts up with the crazy shit I get myself into.  He lived in Seattle for a year or so.  Actually he lived very close to me.  Well live, like my dad actually lives anywhere.  He gets jobs that contract him for periods of time and house him.  He has a home back in the town I grew up in, more like a village.

One day my dad calls to tell me he has 4 tickets to a Mariners game.  I just want it known that I absolutely loathe baseball!  I would rather have hot pokers shoved into my eyes.  I told him he was welcome to take the kids and if he wanted one of them could bring a friend.  He agreed, he also agreed that I could borrow his car to go do laundry at my best friends home while they went to the game.  And it goes absolutely downhill from here.  He picks me and the kids up and I drive them all to the stadium in this 1985 or so Ford Escort.  Let it be known that my dad is a mechanic and he has the worst running but most unusual automobiles on the planet.  This poor little hatchback three door had a diesel engine in it.  Yup that’s right a diesel engine.  So it was loud and slow to get going.  I headed over to my Boom Boom’s place.  We started the first load and I wanted to grab some flea meds which were not too far from her place so we took off in this death trap.

ford escort

As we drove along the car started making this obnoxious thump-atta-thump-thump noise.  I was scared we had a flat.  I tried to see from the mirror on the door if we did but I assumed that the racket would be worse.  I assumed it was something loose.  We kept driving, yup I drove for about 4 miles on a flat tire.  I am good like that.  The whole ride Boom Boom was making fun of the car and laughing at how ridiculous the situation was.  I pulled over eventually when I knew that something was terribly wrong.  Yup a flat, shit, I have no money and I know I have to go get my dad eventually.  I pop the back and holy hell there was a spare and it even had air.  Holy shit, this never happens in dad’s vehicles.

me and boom boom

I pull the spare out and realize there is no tire iron.  Just then a man walks out on his porch and asks if we have a flat!  Uhhhh No the tires are sposed to be square, duh!  He asked if we needed help.  I asked if he had a tire iron that might fit.  He eventually found one.  We finally got the tires switched and finished our task.  We raced home to put the second load in.  While it was in the dryer my dad called.  I told him the situation and asked if they could walk to the Burger King on 4th.  So they did.  We finally got the laundry done and headed to pick them up.  I had Boom Boom with me this time so now it was going to be 3 teens and 3 adults in this tiny car.  Oh the indignity of it all.

We arrive and my dad was a bit agitated, but he kept it in check since he was meeting my friend for the first time.  He told me it was strange that the tire blew since he had never changed them, they had been on there since 1985! Yeah dad I am surprised all 4 didn’t blow to be honest.

Now for the fun part.  We all have to squish into this tiny car.  It was like a clown car only not even close to legal.  The 3 teens crammed in back again.  Dad drove and Boom Boom and I squished into the passenger seat.  As soon as we get the door closed Boom Boom starts with this mariachi music!  It sounded something like this: Ka luca Racha, Ka Luca Racha, da da da da da!  My dad was not amused.

We tried pulling the seat belt over us, but my ass is too fat and the seat sprung back onto Jessica.  Who par for the course was laughing hysterically.  This caused us all, but dad to be in hysterics.  We tried to push the seat back up but alas we must have been too much for the poor spring and it broke.  So glad it was a short trip.  As we approached the red light Jessica screamed omg Cop! I tried to push myself out of sight and my face ended up in Boom Booms lap.  Now my dad is freaking out.  “What are you doing over there?” He was panicked.  Like we were having lesbian sex right in front of him and my kids or something.  To make matters worse, still laughing Jessica threw a coat over me.

As we waited for the light to change, we were all laughing so hard and Boom Boom was still making that Mariachi music, another car pulled up next to us.  Window down he can hear everything.  My dad is still convinced we are having sex, kids laughing and I am now laughing so hard my head is bobbing in Boom Boom’s lap.  The guy next to us apparently had this look of trauma on his face.  I just screamed to him we are all very sober thank you!

90 degrees

My dad has never allowed me in his car since.  But what a great day.  I still laugh every time I think about it.  My memories with Boom Boom will never diminish and she will always be in my most fondest memories.  We always laughed and had a great time.  There was always someone who was traumatized by our antics.  Sorry Dad, you are the best!

my ass

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