As you may already know, my life is about to take a huge detour. Well actually I am choosing a different way of living. As I get ready for this new adventure there is so much to do in preparation. Things such as apply for my passport and Visa. Get all my shots and a full physical. Thankfully I am not working much this month, so I can get a ton of this stuff done. My dental exams are all done and will be uploaded this week. My immunizations minus my Yellow Fever shot will be done next week, I think. My blood tests will all be done next week as well. I have to wait until late March for my full physical, but otherwise everything is right on track.
Richard is trying to get a job in California to be closer to his girls, which I think is not only important for them, but for him as well. Having your partner run off cannot be easy. I can only imagine since I am the partner running off. As the time gets closer, we get closer, and that I think is amazing. Never in my life have I had someone support me so much.
The other thing that starts to really set in, is that no matter what I do, there is no promise of safety. I actually like it that way. Why do anything if there is not challenge, no danger? That being stated, the idea of my mortality has come up. It actually started with a friend of mine telling me, he didn’t know if I was going to return from Africa. It was a strange comment, but one that I cannot ignore. I have never really thought about my death much, except that I will have all my organs donated, my body donated to science if they can use it minus the organs and in the end I will be cremated. That being said, I also do not want those that are left behind to mourn my death. I want them to celebrate my life. A New Orleans style wake is about as wild as you can get, and that is how I want it done. I want people to understand that no matter what, I lived my life the way I wanted to. This means that when I do go, it will be doing things I love. I think that given the choice, I would choose to live life on the edge and with uncertainty.
Being a person of little if any faith, I do not want my life to be a reflection of fear or of propriety. Instead I want my life to reflect adventure and fun. This means drinking too much, loving too much and living too much. So these are the value that I hope people remember about me. None of us are immortal, we will all cease to exist at some point, in my case I want people to remember how I lived my life, not who I was but the love I have to life and adventure and the people who I include in my life. I love them all. Even my parents, who I often state facts to the contrary. I love my mom and dad and my siblings. I just have nothing in common with them currently. That is the truth, I really am not interested in spending much time with them, but I do love them. You hear that mom? Yes I finally admitted I love you.
I resent many things from the first 30 years of my life. Mostly I resent having no courage to discuss my dreams or even to pursue them. I regret not standing up for myself and allowing people to push me down. However, without those first miserable 30 years, I would not have enjoyed the last 13 years to the point of fully understanding who I am and where I come from. So yes the truth is hard, I tend to hide from my past. I come from people I have nothing in common with and it seems as though I look down upon them, but the reality is they helped build me up. By allowing life to take nose dives, I have learned how to pick myself up. I have also learned how to really love life and to live it as though it were the only one I have. And that to me, is likely the best gift I could have ever received. I love you all, each and every one of you.