Epic Man Eating Spider Battle!


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This morning I got up and took a bath. As I sat down for breakfast, I prepared my coffee. I was sitting at the table eating for 15 minutes or so, when something on the ceiling caught my eye. The biggest freaking spider on the planet was up there! I am not even kidding, it was so damn big I thought it would eat me. This monster pushed me outside to finish my breakfast. This girl is not about to be eaten during breakfast!

 

My “ma” said she would spray today. When I got home supper was on the table. I was looking forward to a meal with no fish! No fish! (Happy Happy, Joy Joy!) I was happily eating the beans and rice when I glanced up and that same, at least I hope there was not more than one, spider was looking at me, licking its chops! No it is so big it has visual chops! I decided I needed to eat outside. As I was getting up my “ma” came in and I told her I could not eat with the man eating spider there. She proceeded to spray bug spray, while my food was exposed, on the monster. I have no idea how but the stupid thing as it was falling leapt towards me. As it landed to close to me I screamed and nearly busted the chair trying to get away. “Ma” laughed at me and then she said oh it is dead. It then got up and moved, I was like that beast is not dead! She ran to get the little broom and dustpan. As she was trying to sweep it up, it crawled up the broom, to which she freaked out about. I laughed at her and said, see it is very scary. She laughed and finally corralled the stupid beast and shipped it outside somewhere.

 

I hear these spiders are prized by volunteers due to battling cockroaches to the death. I do not care, they must be outside if they can consume my whole hand in one bite. I have not had any bugs aside from mosquitos bother me yet, I hear the other trainees have cockroaches, the giant spiders and even mice in their rooms. Oh dear, I am going to have horrible nightmares for quite some time now.

 

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