Although weight wise I am no where near where I want to be, I do feel ok. This year has given me a great deal to reflect on. I used to envy people who did great things and had adventures. Now I am that person I used to envy. You know what, I still envy, but now I envy myself! That is a pretty great place to be. Once I can inwardly focus, my outward focus becomes greater than myself.
My motto for 2015, today is the day! Never wait until tomorrow, for it will never come. That is a bit true. I waited until my kids were grown up to go out and change myself and the World. If I had been able to give up the comforts of being slightly in control of things, I could have done it way sooner. It would have been great to teach my kids the value of experiences over things. I would have loved for them to see how helping people rewards itself. But alas I am a bit too late.
Well not entirely, I know my daughter gets it, and I hope she wraps her brain around living small to live big. Living small is confining your physical living space to expand your living experience. If we all wait until we are bikini ready to live, we will never be ready to live. It is a cruel paradox of our society. Promising you that this or that is what you need to overcome to achieve happiness! This or that is not in the way, this and that are the excuse to cover up fear. That is probably the greatest lesson for me of 2014.
Having finally stepped foot in African soil, I know that the only way to achieve dreams is to just go for it. The paradigm shift here has to be that your dreams must be attainable, and realistic. I certainly wish for a car-free world, but that is just not attainable. So I focus instead on pedestrian and bike advocacy. Making it safer to walk and bike, creates a desire to use cars less. This is a much more attainable goal and you can see the results. Just like wishing that I was a size 6 is just not attainable, wishing I looked good in pants a few sizes smaller is. So I focus on what I know is attainable and less about what society tells me I should strive for. I do not want to look like a heroine addict! I want to have a healthy glow about me, but that has to come from the inside before you can see it on the outside.
2014 you have been my favorite year. Richard finally moved to a new state, I have been trying to escape my home forever, not because I do not love Seattle, but because I have never lived anywhere else. I went on to live in Liberia for a few months. I loved, lived and died a little over there. I came back to the hardest living situation ever, I mean ever. Worse than when I lived with the guy that though I should love him, when I thought he just wanted to be a friend. I overcame one of my biggest fears, the fear of confrontation. We were not happy, we were in the “wrong” by breaking the lease, but for our own sanity we had to do it. It cost us $227 and the $400 deposit loss, but it was so worth it. We are much happier here. I can walk around upstairs and not offend the neighbors. I have beautiful bike trails and lanes. I am not far from Downtown and I have a local bar across the street. Although I wish so hard that more locals met up there, I am liking the fact that everyone is nice and friendly.
So to 2015 I saw, top that! Bring it on 2015, show me what you got, I am prepared for my next adventure. I know that my time stateside is short, March 9 I am off to Jamaica. I am prepared to learn so much more than I can teach. That is the beauty of Peace Corps, it changes you almost more than the changes you make in the communities you live in.