Sometimes paradise feels lost!

Let me start with the screaming in my head argggggghhhhhhhhh!  This mostly has to do with my inability to really move any project forward, let alone integrate at a reasonable rate.  Ok enough of this pity party!  NEXT!

This week has been pretty much a waste for me.  I got a modem finally, too bad I for some reason cannot get a signal here at all.  I got a signal in the middle of the Sea but not up on the hill, what the hell is that all about?  The weirdest thing is that when I borrow the lovely woman from Seattle’s modem with the same carrier it works!  How the hell does this even happen?  Yes I double checked, a plan has been purchased.  Lucky for me I have access to this modem at the moment.  It is kind of frustrating to think that Liberia, which has no electricity has better 4G than Jamaica.

This week I did accomplish getting a medical package delivered, letters and post cards mailed out and most of my emergency preparedness kit assembled.  I have also read 3 books this week, so there is not a complete loss.  I also went clothes shopping and picked up a few extras that will make me feel a little more at home.  Although my home is not really my issue.

My birthday is tomorrow, so yesterday I was given the opportunity to go on  a glass bottom boat into the reef and go snorkeling.  Rule number one, the lip rings must be removed to seal the snorkel tube!  Secondly be aware of the wave and try not to allow the current to carry you into the reef.  Thankfully the guide was aware it was my first time ever.  He stayed really close to me and pointed out safety guidelines and ensured I stayed safe.  It was amazing and I hope to do it again very soon.


I did call my ex employer and my last manager retired Friday.  I was glad to chat with him before he disappeared.  I also talked to my dad, who never answers his phone!  He retired today.  I was not even aware that he was thinking about that.  I did have a successful meeting this week and hope to spark some new interest and find new leaders in the community.   My biggest struggle is having my day planned and then changed and then cancelled and accomplishing nothing that day.  It really is not anyone’s fault, I just wish things would work out instead of leaving me with this feeling of failure and apathy about my worth.

My site is a first time site, which I love.  I have to remember to accept the growing pains that go along with a lack of guidelines to follow.  I have dedicated tomorrow to building a potato box with some of the farmers.  I hope a few show up.  At least I can get that feeling of accomplishment in finishing or at least starting a project.  I am excited to see how growing out of season will look and what kind of yields we can get.  It could fail miserably, or it could be a great success, but I will stand on this one as at least we tried something different.

I am also going to join a fitness group that meets nightly around 5.  I hope that by not only getting some much needed cardio, I might meet some of the community that I have not had the pleasure of conversing with as of yet.  Sadly for me, I must just have a lousy sense of when to go out, I seem to meet only a small number of people every time I try to go out.  Today I did spend a large portion of my day “watching” cricket.  By the way, I have no idea how to tell what team is up or who is winning, but there was almost a brawl, to which no one seems to know the cause of.  In fact earlier this week I also witnessed the end of a girl fight, and two men were separating a mother and daughter who were pounding on each other pretty good.

I have managed to set up one day a week to sit at the community center and meet with people.  This week two people from Heart, which is a vocational training organization came to see me.  Very excited to potentially work with them.  I also have determined I might need a bike, no not might, I do need a bike.  I have a large spread out community and when the school year starts up I will be visiting several schools in nearby districts, so a bike will ensure that I do not have to take a taxi to Ochi to come back up and go into Retreat or Petersfield.  I also have decided that I will be splitting my day in half.  I will try to work on things early in the day and then go back out around 5.  By doing this I might meet more of the community and I won’t be working 12 hour days when I actually do start projects.  Somedays I only work a few hours, other days I work 12-15 and then oh, a meeting is required attendance.  I need to find my balance.

All in all, slowly but surely I am making my way into this unknown world of paradise, which sometimes is so surreal it feels a bit lost.


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