I could never say my life is awful, ever.


Yesterday was my birthday!  I am 44 now.   I can reflect back on my life and say confidently that I have no regrets.  I may have a few changes I would have made, such as not staying in bad relationships as long as I have, but overall I would not change my course.   It is those challenges and failures that have guided me to the moment I am at now.  I do not wish to be any other place than this very moment in time.  It has taken me years to just let go and live in the moment, for this I am grateful.  It is amazing when you suddenly let go of expectation and regret and just exist in that very moment.

This is the third year that I have been away from my loved ones on my birthday.  Last year I was in Liberia and the year before I was in Louisiana on a bike ride across the U.S.  Yesterday I actually built two things.  I built potato boxes and relationships.  It is amazing that although I sometimes feel like I have not integrated I realize that these people do care.  We celebrated with home-brewed Locust berry wine.  I also tried Akee wine, which is not my favorite.  I was set up to get floured today but that was foiled!  Sorry dear Tressa he let it slip and then forgot to do it.  He said it had to be a surprise or it was not worth doing, or something to that effect.

Back to my potato boxes!  I love the concept, grow 100 lbs of potatoes in a small space and never have to dig them out again!  This is my second box on island.  The first was made with repurposed pallets, which were not easy to get and then some were rejected due to being treated wood.  I explained how it would be a single harvest box and you would have potatoes in various stages and sizes.  My favorite are the baby potatoes so, those would be on the top.  The amazing thing is that this group worked well together and once I explained that I did not want it perfect, I wanted people with little to no skills to see it and realize they could construct their own as well.  Perfection is overrated!  It does not have to look pretty it just has to serve its function!   As we were planting the farmers were talking about adding a shelf to increase the yield and have a second set, I will have to look into how that can be done since my box was an open front with sliding panels to harvest.  They also wanted to tip the box and increase the length to increase yield, so at least they were excited about a new idea and they loved that there would be no digging up potatoes.

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I decide we would do another box and try some of their ideas.  I still have to schedule a work day.  What is the worst thing that can happen?  Oh right it fails.  Ok so we wasted a few hours had a great time and got no yield, not a complete loss, we will know it does not work that way so we have to modify it.  I guess that is my internal optimist crying out.  I am looking forward to seeing just how well these farmers can work together and what kinds of ideas they come up with.  I am excited that they want to try new ideas and really what is the worst thing that can happen?  Oh right it can fail.  I truly am not afraid of failing, I am afraid of not integrating, but really after yesterday that fear is fading fast.

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I have discussed with my supervisor on how to proceed in the next few weeks.  I think that splitting my day is the only way to really do this.  Today I am taking the morning off to do laundry since my weekend was so full.  I am looking at spending time outside later this afternoon, I also want to ensure that people see me and feel comfortable talking to me.  I am excited about moving forward, I guess I just needed a truly successful project to get myself back in balance.

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