Political Fanfiction it really is a thing!


Disclaimer:  This is a work of satire, I have no political affiliation and I wanted to make fun of all candidates!

Imagine a world where politicians lived regular people’s lives and regular people lived their lives!  Imagine how things would be different.  Imagine how people would lose site of their own perspectives and moral compasses.  Imagine a world where Donald Trump was not a hate mongering, border closing, big bankrupting doofus!  Imagine that when politicians talked rainbows and unicorns came out of their mouths!  Okay, so do not imagine that, just imagine if the truth were always spoken!

An overview of my political fan-fiction:   The setting current politics in the US.  The players are sadly going to be the same politicians that we currently see.  The focus is how the US and world would look if each won the election!

Donald Trump:  The wall would be built everyone with questionable ethnicity would be deported, to whichever country Mr. Trump saw as their country of origin. (ie: Hispanic/Latino=Mexico, Arab/Hindi=Palestine, Black/African-American=Kenya, Asian=China, that pretty much covers them all right?)  We would see a loss of many entrepreneurs and instead of an increase in white/Americans building up new businesses we would see new businesses across the globe, except here in good ole USA.  We would see women have less rights and more angry men.  We would see Mr. Trump on his 8th wife and 15th bankruptcy because, hey my political ads were financially overwhelming.  We might see less freedom in the poor neighborhoods and many more police brutality incidence.  We would eventually see a police state and an ultimate monarchy ran by big business and banks.  People would be eating whatever they could find and eventually there would be  a collapse of all social systems, because you know , socialism is bad!  MMMMK!  The rest of the World would see us as ignorant and unsuitable to be leaders in the world economy because we have no diversity, no social welfare system and most of the people have died off or are dying due to silly diseases that we had cures for but no one can afford medicine anymore.  Oh and the gays would be shoved back into the closet with the door locked, so no more beauty in the world.  Ministers would fear telling the truth and would simply preach about conformity to survive.  Yup, that is a beautiful vision is it not? (Played by Jack Black or Charlie Sheen)

Hillary Clinton:  Oh she would make a wonderous president for those big lobbyist who backed her.  Banks would be able to run unmitigated loan schemes, and we the people would buy into it.  College education would cost 3 times as much simply because of the interest rates alone.  No more small businesses, monopolies would exist because you know, big banks!  Too big to fail is a thing and we must push this economy through and by the way, no organics would be tolerated, no more growing your own food, no more seed saving and certainly no more choice!  You will eat the poisons from Monsanto and you will take the drugs from big Pharma to mitigate the diseases you get from the chemicals you eat.  You will conform to those big businesses and you will smile as they hand you your “Soylent Green”!  You will not question the intentions of big business and you will be happy to accept any helping hand they give you.  More GMO, more roundup, more coal, more pipelines! Yes progress is needed to move this country forward.  Yeah, this is a beautiful vision as well! TPP under-sided deal with the devil, or big business. (Played by Judi Dench)

Jeb Bush:  Do we really want another Bush in office?  Maybe Jenna she is pretty cool and stuff!  Bush believe in parents right to know about abortion and really are we still debating this issue?  He believe that the EPA should just be regulated, instead of it doing the regulating.  The fact that big business is allowed to oh, you know contaminate the water supply in Flint with lead and then the government covers it up, oh nothing to see here folk, move along!  He is kind of wishy/washy on environmental issues.  He would definitely close all public libraries or make them a pay per view situation, because yeah books.  He would abolish the Department of Education and put in more charter schools because yeah, those poor kids in inner cities can afford to pay a voucher.  Eliminating funding for public schools is better to ensure better education for those who are willing to pay a little.  Uhmm yeah because dumb kids is brilliant!  (Played by John De Lancy, you know Q from Star Trek Next Gen!)

Martin O’Malley:  Pretty middle of the road for a Democrat.  I am not even certain who he is to be honest.  (Played by Quentin Terrantino, because yo, QUENTIN TERRANTINO)

Marco Rubio:  Balance the budget at any cost, except cutting military funding, because IS, you know!  Climate change is real, but man has not caused anything.  Keep burning up the atmosphere, over fish and clog up the ocean with plastics, because we are man and we are top dog in this world!  Medical insurance, let it self regulate, repeal the Affordable Care Act and give tax credits, you know poor people they will invest in insurance because it is the right thing to do.  Net neutrality, I have no idea what the hell this even means, but in any case it is likely that no governmental intervention is a good/bad thing.  I have no basis because I frankly am not that interested at this point.  Immigration=reform slowly over time, from the child of immigrants!  He would not overturn marriage equality but does believe that there should be allowed discrimination against gay couples by wedding industry folks based of course on religious bigotry!  Oh and abortion after 20 weeks ban except in some cases, not exactly that conservative, he saw a losing battle and went for the mainstream!  (Played by Antonio Banderas)

Ted Cruz:  The underbelly of the demon here!  TPP fast track that bad boy.  Let us rape and pillage the lands of other people before they understand what the hell just happened. Well maybe not that evil, but still this document is an ugly side of big business in politics.  (See Hillary Clinton!)  Taxes, well I am kind of a fan of the idea of a flat tax, but abolish the IRS, hmmmmm maybe, not sure how that would work.  He does not like the idea of raising the minimum wage, but then he does not have to survive on it!  Again why are we rehashing the abortion issue.  Only when it endangers the mother’s life, what about if the fetus is not viable or if the child will not be valued or cared for?  What if the child is born into a minimum wage family and wait, we will not raise that wage and we will give a flat 25% tax no arguments!  Uhmmm, well this seems to shoot one’s political standpoints with another of one’s political standpoint!  Are we pointing guns are ourselves here?  He would negate the affordable care act, because again health care is a privilege not a right.  And finally he denies that climate change is a thing.  So there you have it.  Science is trumped by religion and personal beliefs!  (Played by Javier Bardom)

Ben Carson:  Uhmm yeah is he even still in the race?  (Played by Michael Clarke Duncan)

And finally, Bernie Sanders:  Well we would definitely have less racism less police violence.  We would definitely have a balanced budget and the military spending would be cut down.  We would focus on social issues and the environment would be cared for.  Big business would no longer run the country, but the people likely would not know how to function without big business.  It would be similar to Mad Max in the beginning, where we would wander the wilderness and not trust anyone.  We would fight over resources but eventually the hope is we would all get along.  Since no one has more than a pistol or a rifle, gun deaths go down, but apathy rises.  In the end socialism is great for the people but bad for business and bad for politicians.  It is not a utopian paradise, but a functional community or maybe there will be a rebellion and people who just do not understand take over governmental buildings like the Bundy’s!  It could happen!  (Played by Tommy Lee Jones, because he just insane sounding enough to pull this off!)

And there you have it the basis for a political thriller.  Maybe soon I will write a story with these characters, but for now remember this is totally satire, I pulled most information form Wikipedia and political blogs and not real hard news sites, those are few and far between these days.  Instead of having some erotica, I thought I would just play with the issues as though these peoples ideas as we see them portrayed really happened.  Cheers!

 

 

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