My biggest cultural struggle….


I have this same struggle back home, but to  a lesser extent.  Here it seems just so overwhelming and I cannot even deflect it.  What am I talking about?  The absolute refusal to respect a woman’s no.  If I tell you no I am not going to do pushups in the gravel, do not try to make me feel like less of a person.  Do not try to force me into it, I am NOT going to do it, no matter what stupid crap comes out of your mouth.  If I tell you no I am not interested in talking about my sex life, then stop talking about it as if you have insider information, just stop it before I embarrass you in front of other people.  Seriously just stop it.  If I tell you I am not interested in hooking up, do not take your shirt off and tell me that the wife beater makes your “member” look tall.   I just said NO, what the actual hell are you trying to accomplish, aside from an embarrassing situation in which I will laugh and you will look foolish!

seastar

If I tell you I do not date boys my children’s age, I seriously mean it!  Just stop.  See there is a reason this specific one gets to me.  After my mom and dad divorced, my dad hooked up with a girl in my sister’s graduating class, I believe she was underage!  He later married a dumb woman, and I do mean she was stupid, a year younger than me.  Aside from my obvious distaste this goes deeper.  I am going to explain this as best as I can……

kissing-grunts

When my dad is trolling girls my age and younger, it made me uncomfortable.  It disgusted me, why?  As Jamaican men will often tell you, “Age is just a number!”  No actually it is a indication of maturity level.  When my dad was trying to hook up with young girls, it made me wonder how many friends I had stay the night and he made them feel uncomfortable.  How many times did certain scenes from “American Beauty” happen while I slept?  How many friends did I lose because my dad was a creeper?  In high school there was always huge parties behind my house at the neighbor’s house.  My dad went all the time, I was not allowed to go, but I heard how “cool” my dad was for partying with them.

There are many songs about women who date younger men, “Mrs. Robinson” and “Stacy’s Mom” come to mind here.  I am seriously not ok with the situation and I refuse to make my children feel the same way I feel about my dad. I love him, I do not respect or trust him.  Imagine how I felt about letting my baby girl go with him after this?  He never did anything inappropriate with me or my children but it was like a deep family secret.

So sorry if I come across as rude or crass, but damn, when I say NO respect that.  It is not a challenge for you to come back and try again.  It does not mean that I will eventually give in.  It does not mean Maybe, it does not mean YES it means NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I guess this is my biggest struggle to date is how the men often disregard a woman’s no and take it as a challenge. It is truly exhausting to continually smile and be nice and stand firm on your no.  I keep trying to stay nice, but I may have to become rude soon.  I hope I go home before that happens.

I realize that this is probably more of an individual issue, but it seems it happens no matter where I go, and it happens often.  This has tainted my viewpoint.  I am actually not even angry, more like perplexed as to why I say no and that just encourages them.  Back home if you say no to a man he will either just sulk and go away or he will try to ruin your reputation saying all sorts of things, so maybe this is more about men and women than about cultural differences?  Whatever the cause, it creates a hilariously uncomfortable dynamic to have to try to find a path through.

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